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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24296989">we'll never know (when we'll run out of time)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows'>CoffeeAndArrows</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5x12, 5x13, Angst, F/F, Gen, i'm v confused about episode numbers, post zombie apocalypse episode, this is legit just straight up angst i'm so sorry, well technically during those last five minutes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:49:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,043</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24296989</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"What's it like, dying?"</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>"I guess, lonely. Like everybody I loved was a million miles away."</i>
</p>
<p>Only - Sara hadn’t realised until now that dying alone was the better option, at least in her line of work. Dying alone meant that her friends, her family, the people she would give up anything to save… they were far away. They were distanced from her, and the destruction that followed in her wake. They were <i>okay.</i></p>
<p>or, some heart wrenching angst for you all xx</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sara Lance &amp; the whole freaking team, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>we'll never know (when we'll run out of time)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so I saw this quote from s1 on twitter and it hurt somewhere deep considering, you know, sara dying. again. so uh... here's this fic</p>
<p>I wrote this in barely any time and I'm posting it without editing because i really need to be studying for exams rather than writing angsty fic, but that episode completely broke me so... enjoy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>She once said that dying was lonely. It was, the first time. She’d been alone on that rooftop, surrounded by the darkness she had brought up there with her. She’d been alone as three arrows pierced her chest, one after the other, sinking deep under her skin, and she’d been alone as she stepped back, stumbling, the pain she should have been feeling somehow numbed by the realisation that this was it, this was how it all ended. She’d been alone as she fell, tumbling through the night sky, already surrounded by a distance she couldn’t penetrate, a divide between what was dead and what was alive, caught somewhere in between.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d been alone the second time too - well, almost. She might as well have been alone, because the person staring her in the eyes - the captain she had once admired, had once loved, had once been determined to save - was looking at her like a stranger, his fingers icy around her neck, cold and unforgiving. She didn’t hear her neck snap. She didn’t get to see Jax’s tears, didn’t get the chance to focus on anything much other than the way her limbs had stopped working, the way her team were so far away, taken or captured or at Rip’s mercy. The distance had returned. She was alone, but at least it was familiar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d been alone the first time she’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost</span>
  </em>
  <span> died too, barely in her twenties, barely having gotten the chance to live her life but suddenly swirling in deep waters and gasping for the few breaths she could manage to draw. The icy waters had made the breath freeze in her lungs, her thoughts fading faster than she could hold on to them. Laurel. Ollie. Her father, her mother, everyone she had left back at home. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were safe, and warm, and she was alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only - she hadn’t realised until now that dying alone was the better option, at least in her line of work. Dying alone meant that her friends, her family, the people she would give up anything to save… they were far away. They were distanced from her, and the destruction that followed in her wake. They were </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dying alone meant no chances to say goodbye, but perhaps that was easier. It meant no chances to feel Ava’s tears against her fingers as she reached up to wipe them away, not having to hear Ava’s voice crack as she begged for answers, begged for a reason why Sara hadn’t given anyone the chance to save her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Because I love you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Sara didn’t have the heart to tell her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Because I have to save </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>you</em>
  </b>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At least if she was alone, she wouldn’t have to imagine gaunt, haunted, rotting figures lunging at her teammates, pulling them to the ground, close enough to get in a scratch here, a bite there, too many to win a fight against no matter how much they persisted. She wouldn’t have to listen to the names being screamed across the din, the frantic cries from all the people she couldn’t save, the people she let down, the people she should have been a better captain to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nate, who had joined this team determined to be a hero, no matter what the risks were. Nate who had smiled and believed in her and grown and loved and been by her side for almost half a decade.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick, who </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> been there from day one, the unwavering presence by her side, certain and resolute and determined.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>John, who had never intended to join this team but had gotten caught up with them anyway, unable to resist the urge to do good, to right his wrongs, to fix things the way she had wanted to too, back at the very beginning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Charlie, who was only just finding her place here, who had defied destiny and fought every step of the way for what was right, what was true, what would make the world a better place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zari, who had never meant to get involved but was just trying to save her brother. Zari, who they had all promised to help, but hadn’t been able to. Sweet, kind, wonderful Zari who had believed in them every step of the way, believed that they could do this, believed that they would win and do what they had set out to and fix this mess that for once, none of them had created.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Ava. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ava, Ava, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ava.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ava, who she had promised to be there for. Ava, who in a relatively short space of time had managed to make her feel things she never thought she would again, feelings that terrified her and excited her, simultaneously sending a thrill shooting up her spine and causing a familiar warmth to settle deep within her chest. Ava, who trusted her, who was never meant to </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> but had ended up feeling so intensely, loving so deeply. Ava, who Sara had kept the truth from in an effort to save her, an effort that she had to believe could still work because the time courier was still charging and the team were still fighting and hope wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>lost</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not yet, not with Ava leading them in her place. Because Ava was a leader. She was a fighter. She wouldn’t give up, Sara refused to believe it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ava, who was currently screaming her name, the sound tearing at her throat and making Sara’s eyes burn because she wouldn’t have been able to see past the crowd flocking over her anyway, but that didn’t mean Ava’s expression wasn’t crystal clear in her mind, tears uncontrolled and desperate, fingers curled around the barrel of a shotgun as if that could somehow save the girlfriend she hadn’t yet gotten the chance to grow old with. Sara couldn’t breathe. The fingers tearing at her were painful, but the knife twisting through her heart cut deeper.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dying </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> lonely, and it always would be. But right now, the only fragment she had to cling to was the fleeting, desperate hope that soon - before it was too late - the team she loved more than anything in this world would be a million miles away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d choose being alone in a heartbeat, if it would save them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so sorry you guys</p></blockquote></div></div>
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